tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2773618036348994112024-03-12T17:30:58.589-07:00Superfluous MiscellanySome people call it musings. Some people call it random crap. Some people call it a slice of life. I call it superfluous miscellany, which roughly translates into "a bit too much of a bunch of different stuff." Enjoy!Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.comBlogger250125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-61857096680071345722018-06-28T19:10:00.000-07:002018-06-28T19:10:33.761-07:00LandingI fell the other day. I was tired, trying to get the girls ready for camp, and hurrying. My foot slipped off my shoe and my ankle gave out. I cried out. (AH!) Then I hit my knees. Cried out again. (AH!) Then my belly! Then boobs! Then nose and forehead! (AH! AH! AH!) Then I lay still, doing a silent inventory. Am I okay? Did I break anything? Where do I hurt?<br />
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The neighbor ran up, three kids ran out of the house. Are you okay? Did you break anything? Where do you hurt? I was fine. I was embarrassed. I had a bump on the head and a couple of bruises.<br />
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Caroline commented, "And you say I cry when I fall? You screamed loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear you!" (It was clear that indeed I would be the screaming type if ever I were tortured, not the silent stoic type as I'd previously envisioned.)<br />
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Life is like that a bit right now. It seems like I've been falling for a long, long time. I wrote it all down once, the list of things that have happened, and I felt pretty justified in the last decade of outcries. <br />
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But right now there is a moment. I'm taking inventory. Am I okay? Did I break anything? Where do I hurt? I think I'm done falling. I seem to have hit everything that can be hit. I'm applying my ice, blushing over my wimpiness, and tearing up a little out of shock.<br />
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But I am okay. Right now I am okay. And I'll take it.Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-47387739330362510382018-06-17T08:43:00.004-07:002018-06-17T10:00:51.408-07:00Happy Fathers DayFatherhood
is showing up:<br />
driving kids to the store for a soda,<br />
driving them to fun,<br />
driving them to work,<br />
encouraging worn minds
and broken hearts.<br />
<br />
Fatherhood
is showing up:<br />
changing diapers,<br />
brushing teeth,<br />
wiping bottoms,<br />
tossing the baby in the air<br />
and catching them again.<br />
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Fatherhood
is showing up:<br />
feeling blissful,<br />
feeling exhausted,<br />
feeling heartbroken,<br />
giving forgiveness<br />
and asking to be forgiven.<br />
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Fatherhood
is showing up:<br />
snuggling,<br />
bouncing,<br />
praying,<br />
singing songs you did not know.<br />
and needed to learn.<br />
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<br />
Jami Bach La Moure<br />
Father's Day 2018Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-1814449538468940032018-04-02T10:01:00.001-07:002018-04-02T10:03:51.564-07:00Dear World, <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It's been so many years since I started this blog. My babies were babies. I had no bigs. Now I only have two littles and neither one of them is particularly little. The rest are all big-ified. SO this is going to be a Christmas letter sort of post. What's happened to my family in the last few years? Well, let me tell you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Elaine has become Noel. Two summers ago, Noel informed me that they were gender fluid. (As it turns out, I knew next to nothing about transgender people. I've learned a lot.) Noel graduated from Berkeley last summer with a degree in psychology. They are just as funny, sweet, and kind as ever, but I see them far less than I used to because of the grown-up life thing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-align: justify;">Jacob just married a sweet, smart, feisty woman. They are wonderful together. He graduated from the University of California, Davis last summer, having studied physics and computer science. He and his wife are currently living with us. They are building a yurt in the backyard, so they can save up and buy property in Oregon and live off the land in their glorious, hand-made yurt.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Natalie also married this year. Her husband is a smart, charming, feisty man. She spent last year becoming an EMT. Then she decided that taking old, dying people to the hospital to die or back to their convalescence hospital to die was really depressing. So she quit and because a nanny which pays better and has more hours and suits her personality better. She is, after all, practically perfect in every way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Lincoln graduated from high school. He's been going to the local junior college. He's at home, but is itching to move out in the worst possible way. A young lady from the Fresno area has his heart and the majority of his time lately.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Violet is sixteen and in high school. She's happy, sad, angry, kind, loving, a whole ball of strong emotions. She sings, all of the time. It's like having a Disney princess in the house. Her heart currently belongs to a sweet boy on the other side of town.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Caroline is manga/anime crazed. My Little Pony is a thing of the past. She now draws and draws and draws. She spends the majority of her time trying to avoid doing math. She's the only one who is still homeschooled. This picture is from our recent red party at Red Robin with all gals in the family. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Sam is still a security guard. He got his ten year pin and a photocopied certificate of appreciation recently. He's still trumpeting his trumpet and calling us all together for scriptures and prayer. He still gives the best hugs.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I'm still me. Wonderful. Grouchy. Giving. Selfish. You know—human. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I've spent much of the last few years pondering what it means to have spent the majority of my life giving birth and parenting with an eye toward having a large Mormon family who loved God and went on missions, got married in the temple, and raised their own Mormon families, only to realize that none of the children want to follow my plan for them<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">—</span>existential angst with a religious focus. I'm nowhere near done pondering, nowhere near able to summarize my feelings. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I've been chiseling away at my hoards. Book hoard. Curriculum hoard. Art supply hoard. Puzzle hoard. Picture hoard. Paper hoard. Inherited hoard. Tough going, but making progress.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I've been visiting as many people that I love as I can. I've got a whole Facebook album dedicated to pictures of me with people I love. It's nowhere near complete. I've been very blessed with loving friends and family.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I've been learning to deal with my decreased ability to work hard, based on my rheumatoid arthritis. It's been soul-stretching, also annoying, but I'm certain it will all turn out to be an inspirational story in the end. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Been dealing with Swiss cheese brain. I forget this. I forget that. I use their when I mean they're. I call apples oranges. I can't finish sentences sometimes. I can't filter out background noise. I start nearly all of my sentences for a whole paragraph with the word "I." It's brain fog from the RA or from the RA meds, or it could be dementia. Not sure. I'll let you know in a decade or so. (Or in the case of dementia, a family member can.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I turned fifty and SUPER need reading glasses now. I thought I'd lost the joy in reading and then one day I put on a pair of glasses and wouldn't you know, being able to SEE really increases the pleasure of reading. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I lost my mind doing two weddings during the holiday season. Then, in the midst of my insanity, I decided to start driving for Lyft and Uber. I've been doing that for about a month and a half now, and OH, THE STORIES! I must write the stories. Later.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Anyhow, that's what's been going on, minus most of the details. If you are actual IRL friends with me, none of this is new, but if you have merely been a blog-stalker, I thought I'd catch you up. Hope your life has been going well. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Most sincerely,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Jami</span>Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-51580157048939724752017-07-24T11:00:00.000-07:002017-07-24T11:08:15.556-07:00In Which Mom is Wrong<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Dear Kids,<br />
My whole life long I have run my car until the gas tank was nearly empty. I have almost never run out of gas. I know my car's gas tank capacity better than the folks who designed the thing. I ran out of gas once in 1988 and once in 1997. Both happened because I had no money to refill the tank and was pushing my luck.<br />
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No one has ever been able to convince me that it saves time to fill up at a quarter of a tank or three quarters or whatever crazy time they refill. I don't buy the sludgy bottom of your gas tank is bad for your engine argument either. The other day a friend of mine was teasing his wife about it and I defended her, because seriously, it saves so much time to only refill when it's empty. Then someone mentioned that gas pumps are in the fuel tank and that they are designed to be cooled by the gasoline in the tank. If one runs a car on a near empty tank, the fuel pump is too hot regularly. In short, the habit wears out your fuel pump faster.<br />
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"HOGWASH!" said I. Then I began to research a bit and guess what. <span style="font-size: xx-small;">It's true. I was wrong.<span style="font-size: small;"> Okay, I'll say it louder. I was . . . um . . . wrong.</span></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
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Since I have taught my empty gas tank falsehood far and wide, and in the spirit of full disclosure, I must now repudiate my former sentiments. Even though it takes longer and the sludge in the tank thing is silly, you really should refill your gas tank before it gets below a quarter of a tank so your fuel pump doesn't receive undue wear and tear.<br />
<br />I know that keeping the tank full, like getting regular oil changes and doing recommended maintenance, is a financially stable person's privilege. (Trust me, I know.) But still, if you can, it's a good idea. You know, when you get a car.<br />
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Love,
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Mom<br />
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Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-89491112378833396802016-11-03T12:47:00.000-07:002016-11-03T12:47:16.602-07:00J's DayI am thankful for many other things and people today, but Jacob always wins on November 3rd. I'm going to spend the day with him instead of writing about him, but I thought I'd check in with a quick note of thanks to God for my son. I'm pretty sure I've gushed about him previously if you want to search.Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-240918382380373772016-11-02T10:29:00.000-07:002016-11-02T10:30:03.851-07:00Returning to Gratitude I had a plan last year for November. I was going to write a series of posts about people who had affected my life and for whom I was grateful. It was going swimmingly. Then the leak about the church policy about couples in a same sex relationship and their children hit, and I was . . . what's the word . . . hysterical, maybe, with a dash of devastated. I couldn't focus on my thankfulness for people in my past or present. I could only mourn.<br />
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One of the first things I did was call my two oldest children who had left the church to ask them how they were. I asked them if they were going to send in their official resignations (kind of a self-excommunication from the church). I don't remember what J said, but I remember what E said. That it was hard to be attached even in name to an organization that does such hurtful things, but that whenever something like this happens I am so upset that she doesn't want to do anything to make my pain worse. Then she sent me a care package with tissue and treats to comfort me. She sent ME a care package.<br />
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I kept going to church (because I love God and I truly believe this is his church) but I've felt fragile there. I like primary and the family history center best. I sub in with the children whenever I can, and go to the family history center then Relief Society whenever I can't. I've been trying to mend my relationship with God, because as it turns out, I am kind of mad at him. There have been several other personal hits to my happy church going, and I'm just mad/sad. I need to get over it.<br />
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I'd thought discipleship would be more predictable than it turns out to be. You do A, then B, then C, and as a result D happens. But here's how it really works. You do A with someone else and you bring someone else and their free choice into it. They are totally with you on doing B together. Then you go from being two people with free choice to being eight people with free choice. At first the extra people are little and malleable, so you and your partner take them to do C with the two of you. D is going to follow, right? Not so much.<br />
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I got married in the temple to a guy who wanted to raise a family in the gospel. We got busy and made six other humans. We taught them the gospel. Then their free agency kicked in. It turns out that you can't make all the "right" decisions and thereby force all of your family to make the same decisions. Who knew? They get to chose all on their own, just like I did. Just like their father did.<br />
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But here's the other thing. My kids are still wonderful. J is just as clever and funny as ever. E is just as kind and observant. N is still a delightful flibbertigibbet who may actually be the smartest person in the room. V still loves with all her heart. L still has his quiet mischievous ways. C is still a cuddle bug. I adore them. I've invested a lot of time and life energy into them, and I honestly think there is nothing they could do that would cause me to no longer love them. If they did something heinous, the annihilation of the human race, for instance, I'd be heart-broken, but broken hearts keep on loving. <br />
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I've spent the year in grief of varying degrees. and each time I began to emerge something new hit. I'm beginning to emerge again. I need to focus on the bright and beautiful in my life, and so I am once again going to work on my thankful posts. There is plenty to be thankful for, and I am going to strive to focus on those things.<br />
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Today's thankful: I am thankful for the resiliency of my spirit, for God's patience with me and for his gentle healing. Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-19689756153847783462016-09-10T10:34:00.000-07:002016-09-10T10:34:24.799-07:00World Suicide Prevention Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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First off, I must say that I am still not in the mood to talk with the world. (Notice the abandoned blog look I've been rocking since November.)<br />
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Second off, congratulations! You made it another year. Another hard year. I did too. At some point, I might feel up to discussing it or talking about something silly, but mostly I just want to say thank you all for staying on planet Earth with me. Thank you.<br />
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<a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/WorldSuicidePreventionDay?src=tren&data_id=tweet%3A774653165920804864" target="_blank">Have a link to inspirational suicide prevention twitter thingies. </a><br />
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Have some phone numbers.<br />
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<br />Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-26981990823286272015-11-10T11:34:00.000-08:002015-11-10T11:34:01.308-08:00THE PolicyI'm not going to try to go into all the ins and outs of my thoughts and feelings on the new policy that states that children with parents who have ever been in a cohabitating same-sex relationship cannot receive the same blessings and ordinances as children whose parents are not LGBT+. I'm not even going describe the policy. I am just going to say one thing. It is wrong to deny innocent children ordinances required for salvation and to place stumbling blocks before them.<br />
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God will fix this. I don't know how or when, but he will. And the meantime I'm just going to say my one thing: it is wrong.Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-7536399509629754822015-11-03T22:11:00.001-08:002015-11-03T22:39:14.722-08:00Mrs. RiggsA lot of the people I am grateful for in my past are teachers, but librarians also have a huge permanent spot in my heart. I’m pretty sure that my patronus is a librarian. (Unfortunately, I am a Hufflepuff and never did manage to get the patronus charm down well, so I can only assume.)<br />
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For the most part I’ve forgotten almost all of my librarians’ names. Not Mrs. Riggs though. She was my grade school librarian and she was ridiculously kind to me. She knew all the good books, film strips, and records and never batted an eye when I managed to talk my teacher into letting me out of class (which I hated) to go watch my Greek gods and goddesses film strip again.<br />
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Her little haven of books was my favorite place in the school. Loved it more than the playground. Certainly more than the classroom. I loved Mrs. Riggs more than any student in the school and more than all but one teacher. She had two things I value above all others, kindness and a really great collection of books.<br />
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I was so disappointed by the junior high school library. It was run by managers who were always in the back, telling the student volunteers what to do. If my high school had an adult librarian, I never saw any evidence of it. I failed to be impressed by school libraries again until I was in college. For some reason, the University of California, Davis’ library, where my mother worked for a time, seemed rather commonplace to me, but BYU’s Harrold B Lee library filled me with awe.<br />
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Years later I was in my elementary school library and picked up a book that had fallen out of popularity—<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1069576.Twenty_and_Ten" target="_blank">Twenty and Ten</a>, I think. It still had my name written on the card a half a dozen times. I was just flooded with lovely library memories.
And when the Yvil sister became a substitute teacher for a while about a decade ago, she ran into Mrs. Riggs who remembered her. Twenty years after the fact.<br />
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She also sort of remembered me. “There was another one of you. She talked. A lot.” Oh, yes, indeed, I did. How could I resist? A kind adult with rooms full of books that she couldn't wait to share with me. You betcha I talked with her. A lot. Bless her lovely soul!<br />
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This could be an actual picture of a patronus for bibliophiles.</div>
Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-50240927899943060542015-11-02T06:20:00.000-08:002015-11-02T08:21:12.936-08:00Two ElainesThis the first of my posts <a href="http://supermisc.blogspot.com/2015/11/giving-thanks-for-people-in-my-past.html" target="_blank">Giving Thanks for People in my Past</a>.<br />
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Thought I'd hit both Elaines in a single post. First things first: I have never known an Elaine who wasn't a beautiful person. It's one of the reasons my oldest is named Elaine. The other two reasons are:<br />
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1. My aunt Elaine.</div>
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My mother's older sister Elaine was a small fiery creature. I've heard hilarious stories about her temper. But that's not what I remember about her. I remember her kindness and her love of Jesus.<br />
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My mom was a very young mother, seventeen when I was born, and she received a lot of help from family while she finished high school and then as she was working. Elaine was my second mom when I was small and I adored her.<br />
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One of my earliest memories is of waking up with the stomach flu while I was at her house. I remember her calm patience. I remember her gently washing the vomit out of my hair and reassuring me again and again that it was going to be okay and that she wasn't mad about the mess I'd made. I remember her making me feel like the most gifted person in the world when I got my cousin to burp. I remember her not laughing her tail off when I sprayed Lysol in my eye wondering what it would feel like. I remember hours and hours of fun with her and her babies.<br />
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She worked with the kids at my church too. I remember her singing with me about Jesus. I have a very distinct memory of a call and response song asking why I loved Jesus (because he first loved me). I knew he first loved me because she told me he did. That is no small gift.<br />
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When I was five, she died from liver disease, the same liver disease that had plagued her the entire time she was doing all those wonderful things with me. I've never stopped missing her. I'm certain that, had she lived, I would have had a more complicated relationship with her, as my conversion to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints flipped out the rest of my Southern Baptist family. Perhaps I wouldn't have found her fiery temper so amusing if it was aimed at me, but as it was, I just had a loving aunt who was there for me whenever I needed her. </div>
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2. An Elaine I hardly knew who gave me one of the most generous gifts I've ever known. </div>
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This Elaine was someone who knew me when I first joined the church. She and her husband decided that I ought to go to BYU and so they paid for my tuition for both years I attended. (<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Monday_(1987)" target="_blank">One of those years was after a significant stock market crash which hit them hard and they still helped me.</a>) All that they asked is that I pay it forward when I got a chance. After my mission, I transferred to a local college. Since my family had moved out of my hometown, I wasn't in the same ward anymore. I lost touch with her. But I didn't forget. And I'm still working on that pay it forward thing.</div>
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Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-83333867782121444582015-11-01T13:13:00.003-08:002015-11-02T15:48:20.010-08:00Giving Thanks for People in my PastThis November I've decided that I am going to write a series of posts thanking people from my past, many of whom have moved out of my life now, but who have touched me, served me, changed me in beautiful ways. Some have died. Some were never close enough to keep in touch. Some were far too close and needed distance to move on with their lives. Some just drifted off. I just want to share in a reasonably lasting way some of the people who have blessed me.Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-25647638726272867352015-10-06T14:48:00.002-07:002015-10-08T19:36:09.752-07:00The Original 160 Scriptures Mastery Verses with Links<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]-->Update: Now with links and columns! I may cry with joy (or fury, if the formatting doesn't work out). You have no idea how hard that was for me.
<span data-offset-key="3ktih-0-0" data-reactid=".bv.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$3ktih.0:$3ktih-0-0"><span data-reactid=".bv.1.0.1.0.0.$editor0.0.0.$3ktih.0:$3ktih-0-0.0">The links take you to the chapter and then you scroll down until you get to the highlighted verse. If I got a link wrong, let me know and I'll fix it.</span></span><br />
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Having just spent an inordinate amount of time seeking out the list from
which I memorized scriptures back in the stone ages, I am going to put
it here, so I can easily find it. Feel free to correct me in the
comments if any of them are wrong. <a href="https://theboard.byu.edu/questions/23421/" target="_blank">Many thanks to the anonymous person who went digging in her in-laws' crawlspace for the information.</a> And thanks to my friend "JoAnnaBeth" for sending me hunting.</div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><u><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Old Testament</span></a></u></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/gen/1.26-27" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Genesis 1:26-27</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/gen/14.20" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Genesis 14:20</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/gen/17.4-7" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Genesis 17:4-7</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/gen/39.9" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Genesis 39:9</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/gen/49.22" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Genesis 49:22</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/ex/20.3-8,%2012-17" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Exodus 20:3-8, 12-17</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/ex/28.1" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Exodus 28:1</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/ex/33.11" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Exodus 33:11</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/deut/4.2" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Deuteronomy 4:2</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/deut/7.3,%206-7" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Deuteronomy 7:3, 6-7</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/deut/18.18-22" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Deuteronomy 18:18-22</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/josh/24.15" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Joshua 24:15</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/1-sam/15.22" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">1 Samuel 15:22</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/1-sam/16.7" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">1 Samuel 16:7</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/1-kgs/18.21" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">1 Kings 18:21</span></a></span></div>
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<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/prov/3.5-6" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Proverbs 3:5-6</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/prov/13.1" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Proverbs 13:1</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/55.8-9" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Isaiah 55:8-9</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/isa/58.13-14" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Isaiah 58:13-14</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/jer/1.4-5" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Jeremiah 1:4-5</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/jer/16.16-21" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Jeremiah 16:16-21</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/ezek/37.15-17" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Ezekiel 37:15-17</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/dan/2.28,44" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Daniel 2:28, 44</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/joel/2.28-32" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Joel 2:28-32</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/amos/3.7" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Amos 3:7</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/amos/8.11-12" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Amos 8:11-12</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/amos/9.8-9" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Amos 9:8-9</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/mal/3.8-10" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Malachi 3:8-10</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/mal/4.5-6" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Malachi 4:5-6</span></a></span></div>
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<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border: none; height: 30.65pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 162.7pt;" valign="top" width="217"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">New Testament </span></a></span></u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/5.14-16?lang=eng" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Matthew 5:14-16</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/6.24?lang=eng" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Matthew 6:24</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/7.21-23?lang=eng" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Matthew 7:21-23</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/11.28?lang=eng" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Matthew 11:28</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/16.15-19?lang=eng" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Matthew 16:15-19</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/24.36,37,38,39?lang=eng#35" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Luke 24:36-39</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/1.1-3,14?lang=eng" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">John 1:1-3, 14</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/3.4?lang=eng" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">John 3:4</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/5.22?lang=eng" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">John 5:22</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/5.28-29?lang=eng" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">John 5:28-29</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/7.17?lang=eng" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">John 7:17</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/8.31,32?lang=eng" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">John 8:31-32</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/10.16?lang=eng" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">John 10:16</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/14.2?lang=eng" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">John 14:2</span></a><br />
<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/14.15" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">John 14:15</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/acts/2.37-38?lang=eng" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Acts 2:37-38</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/acts/7.55-56" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Acts 7:55-56</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/acts/20.29-30" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Acts 20:29-30</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/rom/1.16" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Romans 1:16</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-cor/10.13" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">1 Corinthians 10:13</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-cor/15.20-22" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">1 Corinthians 15:20-22</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-cor/15.29" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">1 Corinthians 15:29</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-cor/15.40-42" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">1 Corinthians 15:40-42</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/eph/2.19-20" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Ephesians 2:19-20</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/eph/4.11-14" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Ephesians 4:11-14</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-thes/5.21-22" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">1 Thessalonians 5:21-22</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/2-thes/2.1-3" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">2 Thessalonians 2:1-3</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/2-tim/3.1-7" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">2 Timothy 3:1-7</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/2-tim/4.3-4" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">2 Timothy 4:3-4</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/heb/5.4" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Hebrews 5:4</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/heb/12.9" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Hebrews 12:9</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/james/1.5" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">James 1:5</span></a><br />
<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/james/1.22" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">James 1:22</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/james/2.17-18" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">James 2:17-18</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/James%205:14-15" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">James 5:14-15</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-pet/4.6" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">1 Peter 4:6</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-pet/3.18-19" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">1 Peter 3:18-19</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/1-jn/1.8" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">1 John 1:8</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/rev/14.6-7" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Revelation 14:6-7</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/rev/20.12-13" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Revelation 20:12-13</span></a></span></div>
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<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border: none; height: 30.65pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 162.7pt;" valign="top" width="217"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Book of Mormon </span></a></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/1-ne/3.7" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">1 Nephi 3:7</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/1-ne/15.34" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">1 Nephi 15:34</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/1-ne/19.23" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">1 Nephi 19:23</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/2.11" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">2 Nephi 2:11</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/2.25" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">2 Nephi 2:25</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/2.27" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">2 Nephi 2:27</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/9.28-29" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">2 Nephi 9:28-29</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/28.8" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">2 Nephi 28:8</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/31.13" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">2 Nephi 31:13</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/31.20" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">2 Nephi 31:20</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/32.8-9" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">2 Nephi 32:8-9</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/jacob/2.18-19" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Jacob 2:18-19</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/2.17" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Mosiah 2:17</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/3.19" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Mosiah 3:19</span></a><br />
<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/4.27" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Mosiah 4:27</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/4.30" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Mosiah 4:30</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/4.10" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Alma 4:10</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/5.14" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Alma 5:14</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/11.40" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Alma 11:40</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/11.43" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Alma 11:43</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/22.18" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Alma 22:18</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/30.60" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Alma 30:60</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/32.21" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Alma 32:21</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/34.32-34" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Alma 34:32-34</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/36.18-19" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Alma 36:18-19</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/37.6-7" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Alma 37:6-7</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/37.35" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Alma 37:35</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/41.10" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Alma 41:10</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/46.12" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Alma 46:12</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/hel/5.12" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Helaman 5:12</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/11.14-15" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">3 Nephi 11:14-15</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/11.29" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">3 Nephi 11:29</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/12.48" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">3 Nephi 12:48</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/27.8" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">3 Nephi 27:8</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/ether/12.6" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Ether 12:6</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/ether/12.27" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Ether 12:27</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/ether/12.41" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Ether 12:41</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/moro/7.16-17" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Moroni 7:16-17</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/moro/8.12" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Moroni 8:12</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/moro/10.4" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Moroni 10:4</span></a></span></div>
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<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border: none; height: 30.65pt; padding: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; width: 162.7pt;" valign="top" width="217"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Doctrine & Covenants </span></a></span></u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/1.14,%2037-38" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 1:14, 37-38</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/9.7-9" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 9:7-9</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/13.1" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 13:1</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/14.7" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 14:7</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/18.15-16" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 18:15,16</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/19.16-19" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 19:16-19</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/20.25-26" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 20:25, 26</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/20.37" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 20:37</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/58.26-29" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 58:26-29</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/58.42-43" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 58:42-43</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/59.9-13" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 59: 9-13</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/59.21" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 59:21</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/64.9-11" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 64:9-11</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/64.23" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 64:23</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/68.25-27" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 68:25-27</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/72.3-4" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 72:3-4</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/76.22-24" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 76:22-24</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/D&C%2076:111-112" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 76:111-112</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/82.3" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 82:3</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/82.10" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 82:10</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/84.33-39" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 84:33-39</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/88.78-79" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 88:78-79</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/88.123-124" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 88:123-124</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/89.2-4" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 89:2-4</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/89.18-21" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 89:18-21</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/93.24" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 93:24</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/104.15-17" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 104:15-17</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/115.5-6" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 115:5-6</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/119.4" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 119:4</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/121.34-40" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 121:34-40</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/128.15" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 128:15</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/130.18-19" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 130:18-19</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/130.20-21" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 130:20-21</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/130.22-23" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 130:22-23</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/131.1-4" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 131:1-4</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/132.15" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">D&C 132:15</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/moses/1.39" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Moses 1:39</span></a></span></div>
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Update, 8 October 2015: My friend Julia G. pointed out this handy dandy chart. I found it fascinating, so I'm sharing it with you. I'm fairly sure the verses in the left column are the replacements for the list above and the ones on the right are <i>their </i>replacements. Nothing so constant as change.<br />
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Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-15622974342401180122015-09-29T13:00:00.000-07:002015-09-29T13:03:56.458-07:00The Brain Dump that Facebook MissedI'm taking a break from Facebook right now for several reasons: The noise of all those voices and notifications. (As of now, I've got 71 waiting for me when I get back next Monday.) The politics and fractious sharing of religious opinions. The pull to look again and again to see if anyone has written anything new. And oh yeah, the life envy. I admit to shoving down a bit of life envy from time to time. (The week before my birthday a friend posted about how sweet her littles were being whispering and planning surprises to delight her for her birthday. I got bubkis. A little twinge of covetousness.)<br />
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But more than that I found myself turning again and again to my online community of friends whenever I needed support, not to my family, not to God, but to Facebook. It was all well and good in moderation, but I'm not that great at moderation. I realized the face I wanted to see was God's face, metaphorically, of course. So I decided to stop immersing myself in my virtual community, seek out real-life interaction with people I love, and try out some of those "Sunday school answers" in real life. (Q: How do you feel the Spirit? SSA: By fasting, praying, attending your meetings and the temple, service, etc.) So here are a few of my insights a week in.<br />
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1. I miss it. I miss the noise and the arguments and the announcements. My nephew and his wife just announced a pregnancy, and my SIL had a huge proud mommy moment. My husband says it's "weird" when I tell him to tell them I said congratulations. My daughters agree with him, so I'm tapping my foot, trying to keep my weirdo commitment to not facebook for two weeks. </div>
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2, I have a backlog of thoughts I want to share with the wide, wide world. I want to write, Hence the blog post.</div>
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3. I have logged way more hours on my spiritual and intellectual pursuits than I normally do. I've been cleaning up other people's messes in Family Search. (Honestly, doesn't anyone else notice the thirty kids, and six Janes and six Joes and six of everything? Then I have to go research and see which Jane, Joe et al are the real ones and merge a bunch of people which messes with <i>their</i> kids . . . but I digress.) I've also done a lot more reading out loud to Caroline.</div>
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4. I am no more physically able to do other kinds of things, like cleaning, exercising, moving things, gardening than I was prior to this fb-fast. So I have a fair amount of sitting around thinking, "Hm, I can't really move: what should I do now?" Luckily, I live in my very own library, filled with my very favorite kind of books. Also, I have six million Kindle books. (OK, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit on the Kindle.) And a laptop. (Did I mention how hard it's been to NOT go to Facebook?)<br />
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5. I kind of hate Facebook, because Facebook destroyed casual blogging. Our easy likes, and short quips and one-stop shopping (all of our friends in one spot) was easy enough, but our status updates have been ridiculously easy. A sentence here, a paragraph there. I wrote when I blogged, and I made new friends through blogging. I miss it. But I love Facebook for all the reasons I hate it. I'm fickle like that. </div>
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6, There have been new Doctor Who episodes and I've been staying away from Twitter and Facebook, so after I watch the new episode, my husband asks, "How was it?" And I respond, "SO GOOD!" and that's the end of it. No speculation about Missy's clever idea or chuckling over the clever lines or fist-shaking over Davros' evil plans or cheering over the Doctor choosing mercy and still winning the day. Nope. Nada. Silencio. However, point 3 sort of makes it worth it. I can squee with my online friends later. </div>
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7. People know that I've written on my blog primarily though me posting a link on Facebook, so very few people will see this. Which is fine, I guess. It's the point, I guess. To talk to real people, not virtual ones. The problem is that some of my very favorite people in the world are ones I only have on-line contact with. I won't name names, but I'm fairly certain, they know who they are. </div>
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So, given that maybe seven or eight people will read this, I'm not feeling all that motivated to put a big ribbon of a concluding paragraph onto this mess of thoughts, but please know I DO appreciate you reading it. </div>
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The end. (Of this post. Sheesh. Don't get all dramatic on me.)</div>
Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-25894628789507487982015-09-10T17:36:00.000-07:002015-09-10T20:59:11.590-07:00TMI, in Honor of World Suicide Prevention DayWhile I was pregnant with my fifth, the whole world fell apart. Some nut jobs flew planes into the twin towers and the Pentagon. People started getting envelopes with anthrax. My girl scout co-leader staged a coup. ("Good news! We have enough girls from our school to start our very own troop!") The city came into my home under the guise of a rehab loan to insulate our ceiling and get a safe water heater, and decided that a third of my home had been built illegally and needed to come down. I already was experiencing my usual pregnancy depression, and things went south from there. I couldn't take it. I didn't want to take it. Thoughts of death filled my every spare thought. I wanted to die with every iota of myself.<br />
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It was obvious that I needed to get back on anti-depressants. I'd gone off mine because I didn't want the extra risks for the pregnancy, but the truth was that suicide was 100% deadly to a fetus. The benefits clearly outweighed the risks. I happened to have insurance at that point so I called Kaiser to get an appointment with a therapist and/or psychiatrist. They asked basic questions to ascertain whether I was planning on killing myself. I knew that a yes to any of those questions would result in a "5150," an involuntary stay at a psych hospital. My kids were 10, 8, 5, and 3 at the time. Where would they go? The only possible answer: "No, I am not going to kill myself." The Kaiser employee, having determined that she didn't need to send the police to save me, scheduled me for the next available appointment, four months from then. Four months. Luckily, I got into my primary care physician after only a month for an <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_serotonin_reuptake_inhibitor" target="_blank">SSRI</a>. I just "talked back to the crazy" while I waited.<br />
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My crazy brain thought of caulking myself and the kids into the kitchen and having a "movie, ice cream and pizza party" while the gas was on, and I told the crazy brain to SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP, I'd ponder snow camping and freezing to death, and I told myself that it wouldn't work and to SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP. Envying people with cancer, wishing for a meteorite to take me and my house out, hoping for a deadly car accident, all were greeted with my standard SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP. Never underestimate the power of telling the horrid thoughts no. It got me through while I waited for help.<br />
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Eventually, I got my SSRI and I started meeting with the Kaiser therapist, a kind of crappy therapist actually. It was enough to keep my domino up. Kaiser eventually got me in to see a psychiatrist and she was a delight. I later found a private therapist who was willing to do phone therapy with me and I worked hard to find my joi de vivre again. The meds stopped the death thoughts. The therapy gave me tools to deal with the emotions that come with life's trials. I was out of my house for fifteen months with a young family. It sucked in the biggest possible way, but I stayed alive. And I got better.<br />
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My husband later told me that while crazy me and sane me were fighting it out in my brain, I was calmer than usual and easier to get along with. He couldn't tell that I was on the edge of the abyss. I was running girl scout meetings and interviewing contractors and meeting with midwives and homeschooling and wanting to die with every iota of my being. I talked to some of my closest friends about it. I talked to my husband about it. They all knew I was stressed, but they didn't know how tempted I was. How close I was. Even though I was saying it, they weren't seeing it.<br />
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One of my closest friends saw it. She was similarly tempted. She and I made a living pact, similar to a suicide pact, with a happier outcome. <a href="http://supermisc.blogspot.com/2011/09/stand-strong-little-domino.html" target="_blank">The image of the line of dominoes falling and standing strong to hold up the dominoes that depended on me came from this pact of ours. </a> If I were to kill myself, people would be affected. Period. A lot of people.<br />
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I don't say this because I am immensely popular. I say it because when Carla jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge, it affected me. We weren't close, but she was my friend. She bought cookies from my girl scouts. She was a Pampered Chef host for me. We'd talked about life, parenting. I say it because when the daughter of one of my best friends from college took her life a few weeks ago, when the sweet girl from my first married ward and sister of my good friend killed herself last week, those deaths affected me. When they died, my domino took a hit, a big hit. Every domino that falls hits so many others. Some we would never suspect. I do not want to knock other people's dominoes over.<br />
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I'm not blaming people who kill themselves. Depression is a real illness.When people kill themselves they are not being selfish. They are being sick. Their brain chemicals and their hormones are out of whack. When I started taking the SSRI, my death thoughts stopped. I didn't have to shut them up. They went away because my chemical imbalance was being corrected. It wasn't magic. I had to try several different kinds of SSRIs and fiddle with the dosages with my doctor, but it worked. I'm healthier.<br />
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I'm not sharing all this for a big pity party or a love-on-Jami-fest. I'm sharing it because I know right now there's someone doing all the stuff they are supposed to be doing while envisioning their own death, while googling painless suicide methods, while trying to figure out how to do it with the least amount of harm to those left behind. I'm begging those people to stay, to please get help, even though it all seems insurmountable.<br />
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There are happy days ahead even if you can't imagine them now. Believe me. Believe all of the survivors before you. Please seek help. For every time I've thought that life was hopeless and there was no point in going on, I've had a dozen where I experienced peace and joy that I would not have happened if I'd given up. It's not all fields of daisies, but it's do-able with moments of delight.<br />
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Those of you who are supporting someone who is tempted by suicide, I need to tell you that if they decide they are going to kill themselves no amount of following them around and trying to fix it will stop them. This is their battle. BUT you can help. You can be there. You can not judge. You can not make it worse by making it about you. You can not give up on them. There are many resources (some conflicting) that you can explore, including seeking therapy on your own. <a href="http://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-prevention-helping-someone-who-is-suicidal.htm" target="_blank">Here's a nice starting point.</a><br />
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For those of you who are on the edge, have been on the edge or might be on the edge in the future,<a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6A2F5ky9SELU0Zfd05YMEpyNUk/view" target="_blank"> I give you one of the best self care lists I've ever run into. </a> Seriously, click on it and try a few of the things. I also give you the number to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-8255. Also I remind you that no one can be you. Not to your kids or your friends. Not to your mom or dad. Not to your mail carrier. You are the only you that is ever going to be and you are precious. Please stay with us. Stay to experience those bright moments of joy that will surely come. Stay to someday hold the hand of someone else who wants to die. Don't buy the lie that it won't get better. It will. Don't buy the lie that we'd be better off without you. We won't be. Stay. Please.<br />
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Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-63862460796910834342015-08-13T10:17:00.002-07:002015-08-13T10:17:32.672-07:00One Girl's Trash The day Violet came back from Girls Camp I had a migraine, so my husband picked her up from the church. Upon return, Sam told me that Vi had lost a bag of dirty laundry. Vi told me she lost "everything that was most important to her." I instinctively knew we'd have to go back to camp, if we wanted to retrieve it, but given the migraine and Sam's comment, I was willing to toss the dirty camp clothes. I felt bad, but not too bad. Migraines suck.<div>
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The next day at church, I asked around to see if anyone had seen a white trash bag of dirty laundry. No dice. Then Violet began to tell me what was in the bag. Her camp T-shirts from last year and this, both the stake and ward ones. Her camera with all the pictures from camp. The "fish hook necklace" that the girls add charms to each year for the activities they complete, a tomahawk charm, a polar bear swim charm, etc. Saturday I had written off the "everything that was most important" comment because Vi can be a bit of a drama queen at home. But this time she was right. The things couldn't be replaced. </div>
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Monday, I began making calls. Four people brought home girls and stuff; I could call three. I drove over to the fourth family. They hadn't seen it. I left messages with two families, but got ahold of the Bishop's wife. She hadn't seen it and told me that the stake and ward people took every scrap home from camp. There would be no point in going up. Violet slouched on the couch, making despondent noises. I waited for the two remaining drivers to get back to me. About three in the afternnon they did, no sign of the trash bag of treasures. </div>
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Then the bishop emailed me. His wife had contacted him and asked if he might have mistaken the bag for trash and tossed it when they were packing and cleaning up camp. He remembered hefting something that might have contained clothes, but it was inside another bigger black garbage bag. It seemed too heavy for clothes and so he tossed it. He begged forgiveness and promised to replace whatever was missing. I told Vi of the emails. She moaned in misery. </div>
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At that point, I had a decision. I was certain it was tossed. I could give her a hug and tell her to deal with it or I could drive up there and dumpster dive, assuming the garbage had not yet been picked up, a big assumption. I closed my eyes and prayed. The very clear answer was that we should go up. </div>
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So we did. We drove two hours and discussed the fact that even though in the eternal scheme of things trinkets like these were not important God knew they were important to her now. I knew they were important to her. I told her that God answered prayers. Sometimes the answer was what we hope for and sometimes the answer was "be more careful with your stuff next time." I might possibly have said the old truism, "Pray like everything depends on the Lord, but work like everything depends on you."</div>
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When we arrived at the camp, the gates were locked. We stepped over the chains and sought out the groundskeeper with whom I was slightly acquainted. He was not there. We continued onward to the five tightly-packed dumpsters. </div>
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We began pulling out the bags, cardboard, signs and streamers from the first dumpster. Opening each of the bags we found nothing but trash. Violet's sweatshirt and towel were just loose in there though so we felt hopeful. When we got to the bottom ookie drippy layer, we had a choice, jump in or tear them open. We didn't hesitate. Using a broom someone had thrown away, we tore the bags open and found . . . MORE TRASH. We carefully repacked the dumpster and moved on to dumpster #2. </div>
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At this point, we began to realize that this was going to be exhausting. We decided to do the top halves of each of the four remaining dumpsters before moving on to the harder gooey layer. And so we did, each bag revealing another layer of Girls Camp waste. When we got the fifth one we did the whole thing and then went back to dumpster #2. Goo, glob, schlop, blech. Remove. Repack. Goo, glob, schlop, blech. Repeat. This was turning out to be a gross crazy Jami story, not a led by the Holy Ghost story. </div>
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Finally, we got to the final layer on the final dumpster. The sun was beginning to set, but we needed a rest. Vi was very discouraged. I asked her if she'd prayed and she said that she had. We sat down and Vi said another prayer while I silently prayed something like "Please. Please. Please. This is her faith forming. Please. Please. Please." Then we returned to the final half of the final dumpster. </div>
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I kid you not: It was in the very first bag we opened. My silent prayer became much more like, "Thankyouthankyouthankyou! Really? Thankyouthankyouthankyou!"</div>
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At that moment the groundskeeper pulled up. Vi told him what was going on so fast, I wonder if he could even tell what she said. I was crying. Vi was laughing. I asked him if he remembered who I was. "Jami, right?" Whew! I wasn't going to jail for trespassing. I asked him if anyone had left soap anywhere. They had. </div>
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We packed up the final dumpster and ran over to the sink to soap, scrub and alcohol hand gelled ourselves thoroughly. The groundskeeper gave us some popsicles and walked us out. As he did, he mentioned that we were lucky. The trash people were supposed to pick up the trash earlier that day, but hadn't come. </div>
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We felt lucky. We felt blessed. We felt really oogie, slimy and gross. </div>
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Faith is a weird thing. Was this God teaching me and my daughter that he cares about her and her concerns enough to save her clearly lost things, or was this just an instance of a mother being tenacious and very lucky? I can see arguments for both, but I believe in God, so my heart chooses the former. This was not the capstone of my belief. He's proven himself in far more important things for me, but because I've known him then, I recognize him now. Any way you slice it, it's a happy story. Here's my happy tired girl. </div>
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Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-24134403259165923642015-06-26T17:11:00.001-07:002015-06-26T17:17:00.639-07:00Seems Like the Day to Do This<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KlpsY8LSlbg/VY3hpf2MgiI/AAAAAAAAAwA/P6RKoyiYtHc/s1600/Elaine%2Bin%2Ba%2Bsculpture.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="427" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KlpsY8LSlbg/VY3hpf2MgiI/AAAAAAAAAwA/P6RKoyiYtHc/s640/Elaine%2Bin%2Ba%2Bsculpture.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Beautiful Daughter. Photo credit: Leah Mills</td></tr>
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The Supreme Court has legalized gay marriage in all of the United States. There has been rejoicing and mourning, and all manner of commotion, so it seems that since the hornets' nest has been well and truly kicked, I might as well make an announcement: my oldest daughter is bisexual. I found out not too long ago, though I had suspected for about a year. (She was very careful about her pronouns when discussing her dates.)<br />
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As anyone who knows me or has been reading my blog for a while knows, I have long held the belief that it's none of my business what people's sexual orientations are. My business is to work on my own sins and to love people. It's a hard job and I'm glad I have a Savior to help me with it.<br />
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My daughter's bisexuality is simply one part of her. She is smart, kind, quiet, funny, insightful and good to the core. She is one of the most delightful people in the universe. I thank God every day that she is a part of my family. And I want to be very clear. I will not choose between my God and my daughter. I choose both. I choose to love God and to love my daughter. When it comes to people, I will choose my children over anyone. Period. And the fact that my children are such awesome people makes that choice an easy o<span style="text-align: center;">ne.</span><br />
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And though it isn't perfectly in tune with either the marriage equality movement or the marriage-equals-one-man-and-one-woman movement, I am happy that she will be able to marry the person she falls in love with, but I'm worried too. Life is going to be harder for her. People who have never met her will hate her, wish her harm. It's frightening.<br />
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There's a whole portion of me that hopes she will fall in love with a man, because her life will be so much easier if she does. She won't have to worry about extended family disowning her or friends deciding to cut her off. She could move anywhere in the world without fear instead of only Western Europe or the West Coast or NYC. I have always been appalled at the violence and prejudice that LGBT people have had to endure, but now I have a face, my beautiful daughter's face, to picture those hate crimes being performed against. And I am more than a little afraid for her.<br />
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If I had a magic wand, I would make all the hatred, violence, and fear in the world disappear. Alas, I have no magic wand. All I've got is my love. And I give it fully and freely. I hope you will give yours as well.<br />
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Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-7713084006104212042015-05-04T19:27:00.001-07:002020-09-18T20:21:05.249-07:00Being Wrong<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When I was twenty-one, I served a mission in Chicago. I arrived in November and it was getting pretty chilly, but wasn't quite the frozen wasteland that it would become by December. My companions and I were near a little pond with ducks. I suddenly wondered aloud what happened when the water froze. Did the ducks just hole up somewhere until spring? My companions looked at me oddly and informed me that ducks fly south for the winter. No way, I argued, ducks don't fly. They waddle and they can kind of lift off a bit like chickens. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I had YEARS of experiences backing up this assertion. I'd seen ducks chased by kids and sort of run/fly away, but no real flying. My companions began laughing. Ducks fly. Hadn't I ever heard of flying south for the winter? Sure, I had. Geese flew south. Some unknown black birds flew south. I'd seen them all in their ingenious V-shapes. But DUCKS DON'T FLY! We went back and forth a few times and the more they insisted, the more I dug my heels in. Suddenly, all of the ducks in the pond took off, all together, all at once. And I backed down. Clearly, ducks fly. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The truth of the matter is the ducks in my neck of the woods could fly; they just didn't. I grew up in the Sacramento Valley. It'd get fire hot in the summer, but never too cold in the winter. There's a lovely duck pond near my home that I visited regularly year-round. I fed them bread crusts and I'm pretty sure if they stopped getting their snacks from visitors they would starve in short order. Why fly away from an all you can eat buffet? Ducks in the wild fly in Northern California, but I'd never seen them do it. I was a town girl. I didn't hunt. No one in my family hunted. I'd formed my rock solid belief that ducks were basically water chickens, based on my experiences.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I was recently reminded of this event when V and I got into a conversation about narwhals and fairies. I took the firm stand that neither were real. I think you can see where this is going. One google search later, I admitted I was wrong. I don't know everything and there are some weird common knowledge things that have escaped my notice. Narwhals exist. Ducks fly.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I really am reasonably intelligent, fairly well-read, with a pretty good base education in a lot of subjects<span style="background-color: white; color: #333366; font-size: 13px;">—</span>and I'm wrong sometimes. So are you. I can guarantee that I currently hold several false beliefs, some about the earth and people, some about heaven and God. So do you. It's so easy to get locked in to a certain world view and refuse to see new truths and correct old errors, especially now that I am losing brain elasticity and attention span. (Curse you, impending senility!) It's so important though. I could have lived my whole life long without a proper knowledge of ducks and narwhals with no ill effects, but when it comes to people and God, the mistakes I make can be crippling to my soul. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I want to be the kind of person who constantly learns and incorporates new truths into old truths, making adjustments as needed. In a lot of ways, I think that willingness to learn and change is the basis of humility. I try to remember that even when I thought ducks couldn't fly and narwhals were fables, God knew the truth and if I'd somehow managed to make it through life missing those facts, he would have cleared it up in the next life. I've got eternity to fix the gaps in my knowledge, but if I don't have the <i>disposition</i> to learn and change, all of eternity will not help. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-12927682877565485882014-08-23T23:50:00.001-07:002014-08-24T16:44:01.190-07:00Aw, Moffat's a Poet!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I am alone.<br />
The world which shook at my feet and the trees, the sky have gone. <br />
And I am alone now. <br />
Alone. <br />
The wind bites now,<br />
and the world is grey and I am alone here. <br />
Can't see me. <br />
Doesn't see me. <br />
Can't see me.<br />
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Doctor Who, Series 8, Episode 1 by Steven Moffat<br />
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(I'd have entitled this "The Dino's Lament" if it was mine, as the Doctor was translating for the dinosaur while he was sleeping. Maybe I'd have gone with "Regeneration," though.)<br />
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(By the by, that's the new new new new Doctor sleeping up there, played by Peter Capaldi.) Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-33669117307707117222014-08-11T16:37:00.000-07:002014-08-24T17:49:31.414-07:00Long Poem, Worth the Read<div id="poem-content">
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I've been pondering suicide a lot since my friend Carla jumped of the Golden Gate Bridge last Thanksgiving. Why some of us who experience suicidal tendencies commit suicide and others don't. Carla had therapy and every form of treatment imaginable. She was trying to cling to life. And one day she didn't any more. And there's her whole family and a myriad of friends left behind wishing they'd gotten that "net" up sooner under the bridge. That maybe if someone had been able to catch her and place her in care one more time, she could have made it. We'll never know. Apparently Robin Williams also killed himself today. There's just something about brilliance and despair that attract one another, isn't there? Know someone brilliant and sensitive, chances are they are in the pit of despair from time to time. </div>
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I don't normally post long poems, though I enjoy reading them, but this one has spoken to me for years and I wanted to share it. The images in this poem speak to a deep belief in my soul of a loving Heavenly Father welcoming us home, loving us, blessing us to the extent that we let him. The final image keeps me glued here on earth until God calls "Olly olly oxen free!"</div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The Suicide</span></h1>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="field-content"><span class="node-title">Edna St. Vincent Millay</span></span></span></div>
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<pre><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">“Curse thee, Life, I will live with thee no more!
Thou hast mocked me, starved me, beat my body sore!
And all for a pledge that was not pledged by me,
I have kissed thy crust and eaten sparingly
That I might eat again, and met thy sneers
With deprecations, and thy blows with tears,—
Aye, from thy glutted lash, glad, crawled away,
As if spent passion were a holiday!
And now I go. Nor threat, nor easy vow
Of tardy kindness can avail thee now
With me, whence fear and faith alike are flown;
Lonely I came, and I depart alone,
And know not where nor unto whom I go;
But that thou canst not follow me I know.”
Thus I to Life, and ceased; but through my brain
My thought ran still, until I spake again:
“Ah, but I go not as I came,—no trace
Is mine to bear away of that old grace
I brought! I have been heated in thy fires,
Bent by thy hands, fashioned to thy desires,
Thy mark is on me! I am not the same
Nor ever more shall be, as when I came.
Ashes am I of all that once I seemed.
In me all’s sunk that leapt, and all that dreamed
Is wakeful for alarm,—oh, shame to thee,
For the ill change that thou hast wrought in me,
Who laugh no more nor lift my throat to sing
Ah, Life, I would have been a pleasant thing
To have about the house when I was grown
If thou hadst left my little joys alone!
I asked of thee no favor save this one:
That thou wouldst leave me playing in the sun!
And this thou didst deny, calling my name
Insistently, until I rose and came.
I saw the sun no more.—It were not well
So long on these unpleasant thoughts to dwell,
Need I arise to-morrow and renew
Again my hated tasks, but I am through
With all things save my thoughts and this one night,
So that in truth I seem already quite
Free,and remote from thee,—I feel no haste
And no reluctance to depart; I taste
Merely, with thoughtful mien, an unknown draught,
That in a little while I shall have quaffed.”
Thus I to Life, and ceased, and slightly smiled,
Looking at nothing; and my thin dreams filed
Before me one by one till once again
I set new words unto an old refrain:
“Treasures thou hast that never have been mine!
Warm lights in many a secret chamber shine
Of thy gaunt house, and gusts of song have blown
Like blossoms out to me that sat alone!
And I have waited well for thee to show
If any share were mine,—and now I go
Nothing I leave, and if I naught attain
I shall but come into mine own again!”
Thus I to Life, and ceased, and spake no more,
But turning, straightway, sought a certain door
In the rear wall. Heavy it was, and low
And dark,—a way by which none e’er would go
That other exit had, and never knock
Was heard thereat,—bearing a curious lock
Some chance had shown me fashioned faultily,
Whereof Life held content the useless key,
And great coarse hinges, thick and rough with rust,
Whose sudden voice across a silence must,
I knew, be harsh and horrible to hear,—
A strange door, ugly like a dwarf.—So near
I came I felt upon my feet the chill
Of acid wind creeping across the sill.
So stood longtime, till over me at last
Came weariness, and all things other passed
To make it room; the still night drifted deep
Like snow about me, and I longed for sleep.
But, suddenly, marking the morning hour,
Bayed the deep-throated bell within the tower!
Startled, I raised my head,—and with a shout
Laid hold upon the latch,—and was without.
* * * *
Ah, long-forgotten, well-remembered road,
Leading me back unto my old abode,
My father’s house! There in the night I came,
And found them feasting, and all things the same
As they had been before. A splendour hung
Upon the walls, and such sweet songs were sung
As, echoing out of very long ago,
Had called me from the house of Life, I know.
So fair their raiment shone I looked in shame
On the unlovely garb in which I came;
Then straightway at my hesitancy mocked:
“It is my father’s house!” I said and knocked;
And the door opened. To the shining crowd
Tattered and dark I entered, like a cloud,
Seeing no face but his; to him I crept,
And “Father!” I cried, and clasped his knees, and wept.
* * * *
Ah, days of joy that followed! All alone
I wandered through the house. My own, my own,
My own to touch, my own to taste and smell,
All I had lacked so long and loved so well!
None shook me out of sleep, nor hushed my song,
Nor called me in from the sunlight all day long.
I know not when the wonder came to me
Of what my father’s business might be,
And whither fared and on what errands bent
The tall and gracious messengers he sent.
Yet one day with no song from dawn till night
Wondering, I sat, and watched them out of sight.
And the next day I called; and on the third
Asked them if I might go,—but no one heard.
Then, sick with longing, I arose at last
And went unto my father,—in that vast
Chamber wherein he for so many years
Has sat, surrounded by his charts and spheres.
“Father," I said, “Father, I cannot play
The harp that thou didst give me, and all day
I sit in idleness, while to and fro
About me thy serene, grave servants go;
And I am weary of my lonely ease.
Better a perilous journey overseas
Away from thee, than this, the life I lead,
To sit all day in the sunshine like a weed
That grows to naught,—I love thee more than they
Who serve thee most; yet serve thee in no way.
Father, I beg of thee a little task
To dignify my days,—‘tis all I ask
Forever, but forever, this denied,
I perish.”
“Child," my father’s voice replied,
“All things thy fancy hath desired of me
Thou hast received. I have prepared for thee
Within my house a spacious chamber, where
Are delicate things to handle and to wear,
And all these things are thine. Dost thou love song?
My minstrels shall attend thee all day long.
Or sigh for flowers? My fairest gardens stand
Open as fields to thee on every hand.
And all thy days this word shall hold the same:
No pleasure shalt thou lack that thou shalt name.
But as for tasks—" he smiled, and shook his head;
“Thou hadst thy task, and laidst it by," he said.</span></pre>
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Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-54757317714588689662014-04-08T13:32:00.001-07:002014-08-24T17:50:09.934-07:00Too Many Books?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have a lot of books. My sister has been teasing me about the fact that I am never going to read them and that I should get rid of them. I hate getting rid of books. Hate it. I got rid of a few dozen boxes in 2008 and I still miss some of them. Would I have read them again? I don't know, but I just loved having them around. ANYHOW, I've decided to read or re-read all of my books and make the decision book by book. I'm not sure this is even a possibility. Can I read them in what remains of my lifetime? I'm going to give it a shot. I won't read all of my husband's Birchy books or the reference books, but everything else I'm going to tackle. As I finish each one I'll decide whether I'll keep it or toss it. I started the other day on <i>Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince</i>. I'll be tossing it because its binding is broken and I have a couple of other copies. There you go. Besides homeschooling, church, and caring for my friend June, that's what I'm up to. </div>
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(Wish I had time to edit, but I don't so you get what you get. Also those aren't my books, just a pic from Google.) </div>
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<br />Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-57280097749321774222014-03-09T11:56:00.000-07:002014-03-09T11:57:57.691-07:00Loving Is Worth Having My Heart Broken<a href="http://www.supermisc.blogspot.com/2013/04/neighborhood-blessings.html" target="_blank">A while back, I wrote about June</a>. She's our adopted grandmother and my dear friend, and she's deathly ill right now. June has a son who has disowned her, so she asked several years back if I'd be willing to make her medical decisions if she became incapacitated. I agreed. I'm finding the process so much less complicated with June
than with my mother, because she's never been anything but a unmitigated
blessing in my life; whereas my mom was always at odds with me, even in
her final days. June trusts me. My mother didn't. People keep telling me I have a big heart, that she
is lucky to have me, but she had a big heart first. She loves my children.
She loves me. Unconditionally. I am lucky beyond lucky to have her in my life; blessed would be a better word. <br />
<br />
Now, she is frightened. Her mind has suddenly begun creating terrifying scenarios, fires and guns, devils and drug lords, and thieves, so many thieves. She's still lucid and knows and loves us, but she's trembling and confused. It's heartbreaking, because it can't be fought. If a real danger existed, I could move her. If someone was truly calling her names, I could stop them. But I can't stop her mind from laying this fabric of horror over her life. June is well-educated, smart, rarely confused. I didn't anticipate dementia. But that's just life, isn't it? Full of surprises. And a wicked kind of humor.<br />
<br />
Would I take away my years of friendship with June, so that I didn't have to see her suffer? Would I turn into the kind of person who can drop someone at a convalescent home and walk away, so that I didn't have to watch this pain? No and no. Loving has its costs. Loving is what makes life worth living. It's the source of all of my joy and most of my pain. Someone with a whole heart might disagree with me, but my mantra has been "It's worth it. Loving is worth having my heart broken." Forgive me if I have to remind myself during the hard part. <br />
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It is. It's worth it.<br />
<br />Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-5217761592059018002014-02-12T10:54:00.000-08:002014-02-19T22:17:35.957-08:00Sometimes Poetry Says It BestDirge Without Music<br />
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By Edna St. Vincent Millay<br />
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I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.<br />
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:<br />
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely.<br />
Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.<br />
<br />
Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.<br />
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.<br />
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,<br />
A formula, a phrase remains,—but the best is lost.<br />
<br />
The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,—<br />
They are gone. They are gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled<br />
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.<br />
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.<br />
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Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave<br />
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;<br />
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.<br />
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.<br />
<br />
Happy birthday, Mom. See ya on the other side. Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-59855955938875151602013-12-02T19:57:00.001-08:002013-12-02T19:57:58.294-08:00Still Thankful, Just LateI'm a Kerr. Sure you have to go three generations back to get there, but I am still a Kerr. The family motto: Sero sed serio. Translation: late but in earnest. No really. It's right on the family crest.<br />
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So like my Kerr ancestors before me, I am late, but in earnest. Without further ado I give you the rest of my November thankfuls.<br />
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19. My husband. His order in this list in no way indicates his importance in my life. I am thankful that he heads off to a dull job every day to support our family. He's the most faithful man on the planet and he loves me, grumpy, frumpy me. I had planned to write a whole post on my gratitude for my husband, but procrastination killed that idea, for the moment anyhow.<br />
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20. I'm thankful for my cats. I love them. I love how they are not pushovers and I can't just waltz into their lives after ignoring them for ages and have a relationship with them. They are like real people. You nurture the relationship and it's healthy; neglect it and it's not. Plus they are cute and furry, and they purr.<br />
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21. Running water, flush toilets and a water heater. I try to camp at least once every year so that I remain grateful for this most basic and awesome gift of modern life.<br />
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22. Books. Oh my heavens! My sanity. Right between two covers. Or on my kindle. Or on my computer screen. I love the knowledge, the characters, the worlds. And they are mine all mine. I love books. More than most people, to be frank. I could also write a whole blog post on the joys of reading. Alas, gratefuls twenty-three through thirty await.<br />
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23. Amazon Prime. (Kinda-sorta related to books.) All my stuff comes to me with free two-day shipping. When I keep forgetting to pick something up at the store, I buy it at amazon and it just shows up. I love the unlimited movie streaming. I love the whole darn thing. I don't even care that they know every iota of my life; I'm just so grateful for the incredible convenience and value of the membership.<br />
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24. My pomegranate tree. It gives me pomegranates. Need I say more?<br />
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25. Friends. Old friends. New friends. They've made me laugh, made me cry, made me dance. I like to think that in the eternities all friendships are renewed and receive their <span class="st"><em></em>paradisiacal glory. </span><br />
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<span class="st">26. Gardens. I'd like them even better if they watered and weeded themselves. Even as they are they give me a lovely connection to the earth and teach me lots of object lessons. </span><br />
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<span class="st">27. I'm thankful for my mom, for the emphasis she placed on education, for her example of perseverance. I'm thankful for the opportunity I had to care for her at the end of her life.</span><br />
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<span class="st">28. I'm thankful for the internet, for the wealth of information it contains, for the friends I've met online, for the massive recipe index that it is, for the genealogical tools it houses, for being able to shop without having to leave the house, for movies on demand, for educational games. OK, I'll stop now. I think you get the picture. </span><br />
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<span class="st">29. Comfy shoes. Since I have cruddy rheumatoid arthritis feet, comfy shoes pretty much make the difference between being able to walk and not being able to walk. I wear pretty much the same shoes all the time and they aren't cute, but they are comfy. Yay!</span><br />
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<span class="st">30. Christmas. I love Christmas, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to come and adore the Savior. I love the music, the food, the decorations, the kindness the season can bring out in people. </span><br />
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<span class="st">Being thankful has been a habit for November even if I did flop over into December a bit. Perhaps I can carry the habit a bit more consistently all year long. I think that might be a very good thing.</span>Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-45294415526222384682013-11-27T19:12:00.000-08:002015-11-02T08:31:26.809-08:00Giving Thanks--18C-baby is a big girl these days, seven years old. She still encourages us to dress her and help her with everything; being the baby sister has its privileges. She is warm and snuggley. She still adores me with all of her cute little self. She still thinks I can fix it all, and because we are blessed to have healthy happy lives, I mostly can fix all the things that torment her little world.<br />
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She is a blessing I didn't ask for, and in many ways, didn't deserve. She was my one unexpected pregnancy and I have my very own little miracle story regarding her conception and birth. Even so, I was very, very angry about being unexpectedly pregnant. (I knew, in theory, what the .8% stood for in birth control, but those were other people. Not me.) Sometimes God blesses us with people in our lives we didn't know we needed. C is one of those people in my life. I adore her. She brightens my world. Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-277361803634899411.post-32659028184264876122013-11-27T17:11:00.003-08:002015-11-02T08:33:18.211-08:00Giving Thanks--17V, ah my lovely, V girl! How I love her. At one point I was fairly certain that if I died they would have to send me to a taxidermist and turn me into a stuffy or she'd never sleep again, but now that she is almost twelve, she's doing the separation thing quite well. She still wants to be with people constantly, but she's branching out. This child is the world's boldest missionary. She wants nothing more than more friends with her at church. She loves people so very much. I am grateful for the example she's setting for me of never assuming people will say no and loving people just the same whether they say yes or no. Jamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11049138813340800745noreply@blogger.com0