Friday, June 26, 2015

Seems Like the Day to Do This

My Beautiful Daughter. Photo credit: Leah Mills

The Supreme Court has legalized gay marriage in all of the United States. There has been rejoicing and mourning, and all manner of commotion, so it seems that since the hornets' nest has been well and truly kicked, I might as well make an announcement: my oldest daughter is bisexual. I found out not too long ago, though I had suspected for about a year. (She was very careful about her pronouns when discussing her dates.)

As anyone who knows me or has been reading my blog for a while knows, I have long held the belief that it's none of my business what people's sexual orientations are. My business is to work on my own sins and to love people. It's a hard job and I'm glad I have a Savior to help me with it.

My daughter's bisexuality is simply one part of her. She is smart, kind, quiet, funny, insightful and good to the core. She is one of the most delightful people in the universe. I thank God every day that she is a part of my family. And I want to be very clear. I will not choose between my God and my daughter. I choose both. I choose to love God and to love my daughter. When it comes to people, I will choose my children over anyone. Period. And the fact that my children are such awesome people makes that choice an easy one.

And though it isn't perfectly in tune with either the marriage equality movement or the marriage-equals-one-man-and-one-woman movement, I am happy that she will be able to marry the person she falls in love with, but I'm worried too. Life is going to be harder for her. People who have never met her will hate her, wish her harm. It's frightening.

There's a whole portion of me that hopes she will fall in love with a man, because her life will be so much easier if she does. She won't have to worry about extended family disowning her or friends deciding to cut her off. She could move anywhere in the world without fear instead of only Western Europe or the West Coast or NYC. I have always been appalled at the violence and prejudice that LGBT people have had to endure, but now I have a face, my beautiful daughter's face, to picture those hate crimes being performed against. And I am more than a little afraid for her.

If I had a magic wand, I would make all the hatred, violence, and fear in the world disappear. Alas, I have no magic wand. All I've got is my love. And I give it fully and freely. I hope you will give yours as well.


Debbie Frampton said...

I LOVE YOU! Have courage and be kind. You're like Cinderella. :) And for the record, in some ways her life will be easier if she falls in love with a woman. :)

Wendy said...

What an amazing post, Jami. I'm sure I won't be the only one to tear up while reading it. The part that really struck me was, "Now I have a face…". I think that is exactly what I felt when my nephew came out years ago. The love doesn't change, but it does make one see the world as a scarier place. You're an amazing mother and writer.

Jami said...

Thanks, Debbie and Wendy. She is honestly one of the greatest people I have known. I am so blessed to be her mom.

texttattling said...

I love you.

Klin said...

She is blessed to have a mom understand that you don't have to choose between God and your child. He would NEVER ask you to do that. There is so much we don't understand about sexual orientation from a scientific perspective. I look forward to the day when the Lord helps us all make sense of it and in the mean time we are commanded by Him to love everyone. That is what we need to focus on. Proud and blessed to know you Jami and call you friend.

Ardis said...

You are what all moms should be. Count me as one who stands with you.

Heidi said...

Oh, Jami . . she is lucky to have you. The Lord has been preparing you for this challenge, because, as you say, this is a challenge. These are the times that will try men's souls. We're here. But I have so much confidence in you. I love you!