Thursday, October 21, 2010

Regret

It's been a year. Almost to the day. My mother and I share a tumultuous history, but this was the tumultuous-est, an argument that was all the more vicious because everything that was said was true.

During the nastiness my mother posted a vague something on facebook that hurt and angered me. I clicked the "remove from friends" button then gloried in my newfound freedom. I could say whatever I thought without having to worry that my mom was going to be offended or nag me endlessly about something I had posted.

Healing has been slow. We've moved on. Kinda. I wouldn't re-friend her though. Even though she had asked nicely several times. Because I was right. I was right in what said. It needed to be said. And I would say it again. And she was wrong. Wrong in her original behavior and wrong in her response. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Besides I liked my freedom of speech. No mom on facebook.

Last Monday, she had a CT that showed a large mass in her colon. Thursday, a colonoscopy showed it to be cancer. Tuesday, I sat with her as the surgeon told her that there was very likely a second tumor in a different place. They wouldn't know until they got in there, but he was fairly sure. Stage IV. The fatal stage.

And you know what? I friended my mother on facebook last Friday. Because I was wrong. Wrong in my original behavior and wrong in my response. And I'm lucky. Because I got a little notice.

10 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Oh, Jami, this almost made me cry. My mom and I don't have a good relationship. Haven't for years. She is not an easy person to get along with, at all. But I often wonder how I would feel if she got really sick or passed away. I guess I need to reevaluate things.

TheOneTrueSue said...

Oh hon. I'm so sorry. Both for the pain of a conflicted relationship with your mom (I know oh so well how much that hurts and stresses and pulls) and for the terrible news. I'm sending prayers and good thoughts for you both. And love for you.

::SARAH:: said...

I can completely relate to the feelings of "you were wrong and I was right and I don't take it back", but I also really admire and respect you being able to take the high road, a difficult road, in trying to mend fences regardless. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom and so grateful you got a little notice.

Annette Lyon said...

*hugs*

Melinda said...

Its so hard to mend stressful relationships, SO HARD! Thanks for your example, I'll try harder! Prayers going out for you and for your mother!

mindyluwho said...

This post brings up so many emotions for me. My mom and I also had a tumultuous relationship and I had bitter feelings towards her for most of my life. But I didn't get any notice and she is gone.

When I heard of her death I went into my room to be alone and I prayed so very hard for those feelings to pass and for God to take the bitterness out of my heart so that I could forgive her and not have those feelings because it just didn't matter anymore. The Atonement works, in an instant they were gone and I could grieve for my loss properly. But, oh how I wish I would have prayed before she died and we could have had the relationship that we both really did want.

I'm glad you have time. Now I think I'll go wipe my tears and get off the computer and be the mom I need to be to my kids!

Love you!

Alison Wonderland said...

Wow.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my gosh~! That was an amazing post. Jami, I lub you so much. You are still one of my favorite people. One of my originals.

I'm so sorry. It makes me want to make a magic quilt for her. I really want to. Please keep me posted.

And thanks for voting for me today.

Here's the link in case you feel so inclined (of course you do) to vote again tomorrow.

http://www.sam-e.com/job/entries/506

Wendy said...

Thinking of you. Don't know what else to say.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

This makes me so sad, knowing the outcome and all. It's one of the most poignant posts of all time. I am learning from your life lessons.

Thank you. Love you.