Happy Fathers Day

Fatherhood is showing up:
driving kids to the store for a soda,
driving them to fun,
driving them to work,
encouraging worn minds and broken hearts.

Fatherhood is showing up:
changing diapers,
brushing teeth,
wiping bottoms,
tossing the baby in the air
and catching them again.

Fatherhood is showing up:
feeling blissful,
feeling exhausted,
feeling heartbroken,
giving forgiveness
and asking to be forgiven.

Fatherhood is showing up:
snuggling,
bouncing,
praying,
singing songs you did not know.
and needed to learn.


Jami Bach La Moure
Father's Day 2018

I am so mad I could scream and scream and scream!

As I was withdrawing V from school today, I spoke to the "lady in the office." I thought I'd give the school a little tip. Their bathrooms need to be at least lightly supervised. Allowing "at-risk" children a private place for up to a half an hour with other "at-risk" children seems like a bad idea.

Her response? "That was only two kindergarten girls, Mrs. La. And we are dealing with that."

[WHAT?!?! That was not the incident to which I was referring. So LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT: You, the school personnel, know that crap is happening to kids in the bathrooms. And you are doing NOTHING to prevent it happening to other children.]

"How about if you put cameras in the non-potty portion of the room, so that..."

"Oh no! We couldn't do that! Privacy. Mrs. La, we don't even have cameras to prevent break-ins."

"Perhaps...the yard duties could swing through the bathrooms every now and then. Or there could be some kind of system to keep track of how long children have been in the bathroom or..."

"Mrs. La, where would we get the funding for any of those things? Besides we haven't had any parents complain"

[Where are you going to get the funding for the million dollar lawsuit that someone is going to file against the school district, because YOU FLIPPIN' KNOW that crap is happening in the bathrooms?]

"Well, my V was harmed in there. I can't let her be here if no one can protect her. Obviously, it's happening more than you realize."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Mrs. La."

HOW ELSE WOULD I FEEL? Merciful heavens, what in the world is wrong with you people? No, seriously. Have you lost your minds?

The mystery of V's non-stop crying at home has been solved. Sobbing and whining and whimpering, she was driving us all crazy. And the poor kid was trying to work out some way to say, "help me," without getting in trouble or getting her "friends" in trouble. Poor baby.

Perfect Parenting Revisited

One of my favs from way back when nobody but people I nagged read my blog. Originally posted June 10, 2008

Good Children from Perfect Parenting

I freely admit I was a know-it-all, one of those women-girls you kind of just want to swat. I knew that when a child was old enough to discuss their diaper, it was time to potty-train; when a child could undo their mother's buttons, it was time to wean. "No" was a word that should be used rarely to maintain its power for important stuff, like not drinking poison. When a child spoke to you, you should stop what you were doing and look her in the eyes, focusing on her words and body language.

Not only did I know it all, I was happy to share it, with my friends, with my babysitting clients, with my dates, with my mom, with anyone who stood still long enough to let me spew my wisdom on them. To all of you who knew what the battle was like on the ground, forgive me please. If you will forgive, I promise not to swat any of the young mothers, newly-married wives, or brainy teens who tell me all about perfect parenting.

My parenting world is filled with questions. Where I once knew exactly what the appropriate parenting choice was for any given situation, now I am unsure about so many things. One of the most basic of all parenting issues--helping your child be good--fills me with consternation.

What is a "good" child? At this point in the game, I really define good as peaceful and quiet, but I'll share this quote from Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting that has set me to thinking:

Good is an adjective often laden with moral significance. It can be a synonym for ethical or honorable or compassionate. However where children are concerned the word is just as likely to mean nothing more than quiet--or, perhaps, not a pain in the butt to me...this is what many people in our society seem to want most from children: not that they are caring or creative or curious, but simply that they are well behaved. A "good" child--from infancy to adolescence--is one who isn't too much trouble to grown-ups. (page 2)

Mr. Kohn (I always want to call him Alfie--such a great name) goes on for the two hundred some-odd pages discussing parenting, loving without controlling and a bevy of other thoughtful, logical ideas. I read and think "Yep, mm-hm, you go Alfie!"

Then home life as it really exists comes flaring into my mind and I have very little idea of how to stop the fratricide without defying all the principles of excellent parenting. How can we make it to the ethical, honorable, compassionate kind of good if we don't start out by mastering the not hellions at home or in public kind of good? Still working on that one. Oh, how I wish I still knew it all!

Good Children from Perfect Parenting

I freely admit I was a know-it-all, one of those women-girls you kind of just want to swat. I knew that when a child was old enough to discuss their diaper, it was time to potty-train; when a child could undo their mother's buttons, it was time to wean. "No" was a word that should be used rarely to maintain its power for important stuff, like not drinking poison. When a child spoke to you, you should stop what you were doing and look her in the eyes, focusing on her words and body language.

Not only did I know it all, I was happy to share it, with my friends, with my babysitting clients, with my dates, with my mom, with anyone who stood still long enough to let me spew my wisdom on them. To all of you who knew what the battle was like on the ground, forgive me please. If you will forgive, I promise not to swat any of the young mothers, newly-married wives, or brainy teens who tell me all about perfect parenting.

My parenting world is filled with questions. Where I once knew exactly what the appropriate parenting choice was for any given situation, now I am unsure about so many things. One of the most basic of all parenting issues--helping your child be good--fills me with consternation.

What is a "good" child? At this point in the game, I really define good as peaceful and quiet, but I'll share this quote from Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting that has set me to thinking:

Good is an adjective often laden with moral significance. It can be a synonym for ethical or honorable or compassionate. However where children are concerned the word is just as likely to mean nothing more than quiet--or, perhaps, not a pain in the butt to me...this is what many people in our society seem to want most from children: not that they are caring or creative or curious, but simply that they are well behaved. A "good" child--from infancy to adolescence--is one who isn't too much trouble to grown-ups. (page 2)

Mr. Kohn (I always want to call him Alfie--such a great name) goes on for the two hundred some-odd pages discussing parenting, loving without controlling and a bevy of other thoughtful, logical ideas. I read and think "Yep, mm-hm, you go Alfie!"

Then home life as it really exists comes flaring into my mind and I have very little idea of how to stop the fratricide without defying all the principles of excellent parenting. How can we make it to the ethical, honorable, compassionate kind of good if we don't start out by mastering the not hellions at home or in public kind of good? Still working on that one. Oh, how I wish I still knew it all!