Thursday, July 17, 2008

I Stink...

...when I don't use deodorant. But I've noticed I'm a little less...um...smart than I used to be which gets me to worrying about getting Alzheimer's which gets me to thinking about how autopsies reveal unusually high levels of aluminum in the brains of Alzheimer patients which gets me to worrying about putting aluminum under my arms every day to make me not stink which I know has not been shown to have any link to Alzheimer's (or breast cancer or dandruff) but just to be on the safe side I decided to switch to a natural deodorant which brings me back to the problem. I stink...when I use natural deodorants too.

I've tried Tom's. Two varieties. Um, not so helpful. I've tried a lovely lemony one from Avalon. No dice. I've tried Melaleuca's mega-magic-mush. Sorry. No helpy. I was getting desperate.

So one day when I was over at Diaper Swappers—a great resource for all things frugal and natural, by the way: although whatever platform they are using takes a flippin' millennium to load—and I came across a great discussion of natural deodorants for the truly stinky needy and funk butter came up again and again.

Raves for something called funk butter? Give me a break. It's just baking soda in a cream to powder base. Baking soda is nearly free. Several people reported getting great results from a light dusting of plain ol' baking soda. So I tried it. Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles, it worked. With one unfortunate side effect: a bright red raw rash. I had the best smelling sores in town.

So I bit the bullet and ordered two little tins of funk butter: one scented, mango-yum (or something), and the other unscented (you know just in case the mango made me gag or break out). It took a while to get it, because I guess they make their stuff up fresh as the order comes in, but then they used super-duper fast shipping (which explains their shipping charges). When it finally came it was: THE BEST DEODORANT EVER! (Sorry to get so excited. I'll try to keep it under control.)

It was better than any mass produced deodorant I have ever used, including all of the aluminum and petroleum based ones. I waited until summer to make my final decision. It does not stop sweat, but odor is gone, gone, gone. And if it gets to be a day and a half between showers, it is still a-working. As it turns out the mango-yum (or whatever) really is yum, so yum that my teenager stole it. Thank goodness I bought two. Wish they had both been the mango though.

Oh, I almost forgot. You can use it on your feet too.

12 comments:

yvil sister said...

I'm her sister, and I am here to say, 'yep, she doesnt just stink, she STAINKS!!' I only live two miles away, but when the wind doth blow from the northwest... the flowers wilt... dogs moan... the very leaves fall off the trees..... in short.... It is bad.

So, on the subject of deodorants. Secret Platinum SUCKS!! And it stinks... powder scent my @$$!!! More like funkalicious galore.

AND, on the subject of the lovely baking powder.... DER, idiot, it is a freaking BASE!!!! Why didnt you just throw some freaking vinegar on there and some red food coloring and have a fake lava eruption....

Now.... Lava, there is a soap for ya.... also basic as if it was freshly sopanificated and you stuck your hand in it.... but, whoa did it take the OIL PAINTS off my brushes!!! DER, it's a BASE!!!!

Not to be judgemental or anything though....

Speaking of judgemental... I once taught sixth grade under the most evil and viciously mean principal (and she was no one's pal)in the entire Universe. Well, we were having an issue with the boys coming in from PE second period and they thought that a heavy dousing of the lovely Brut aftershave and cologne was gonna solve what soap and water needed a chance to try. One day the HBOC came and said, "Um-um-um... someone in dis here-a room stainks.... And I aint gonna say who it is... but if I come back tomorrow and I find someone stinkin', I'm gonna tell the whole class!" Ah, the kind and benevolent, no wait, I misspelled that, malevolent words that can build the self-esteems of the youth of America.... ah... junior high, oops, I mean middle school.... Uh, I hate to add, it worked... I, being the science core teacher, took the opportunity to explain deodorant and soap and how they work...

But, wait, that tags into the whole school thing... hmmmm... could I have a secret agenda????

stinkypoopoohead yvil sister said...

Oh, yeah, boy do her feet stink too... and she wears open air shoes!!!! What has our father done to you... and poor L too... I weep, more so when I am around thy feet.

Dont forget... I am the sister given the bye to be mean in the instructions... it is what I do.

I like to think of it as realism... really mean ism.... yeah, that's it...

Remember, you wanted me to read and comment... thus, I do!

Jami said...

You are yvil, but I love you. I don't think it was the base issue, I think it was the abrasion issue. Either way, it's fine for a day or two, then the irritation appears. But the stupidly named "funk butter" is brilliantly made. No irritation at all.

When I was teaching art over at the Montessori, I walked in one day and nearly fell over from the body odor. I made a public service announcement.

"There comes a time in the lives all people when they begin to stink. This time has come for many of you. Please take a moment to sniff and ponder this evening and decide if you are among the chosen few who need to begin using deodorant. Please."

The teacher whispered, "Thank you." But, sadly, my words of wisdom had no lasting effect.

Annette Lyon said...

Cool! I've never known anyone besides my mother who was on the anti-aluminum deodorant train. She might like hearing about funk butter. (Scary name notwithstanding.)

chandelle said...

just stopping to say, no hard feelings on the foster care thread. :)

also, i feel your pain on this issue. i can't stand using the nasty antifreeze/aluminum/petroleum/paraben crap. but that stuff actually works for me whereas a lot of the natural stuff doesn't. the crystal rock works for me for intermitten periods, as does tom's woodspice and lemongrass scents. avalon, nature's gate, desert essence - uh uh, not a bit. i've often considered baking soda but, yep, it's a base and base burns are terrible. the funk butter sounds very interesting; i'll have to try it. one brand that i've found that is truly free of yucky stuff is bubble and bee. they're a local company here in SLC and they make a beeswax-based deodorant that really does work and smells great. it's basically just beeswax and essential oils but it works, and unlike other natural deodorants it's never given me a rash. just a suggestion! i'm definitely going to check out funk butter, also; having a rotation of deodorants seems to work best for me. (and BTW, it's best for you to actually sweat. antiperspirants are bad news! sweating is an essential detox method for the body. the only real problem with it is stinkage. :)

Jami said...

Chandelle: [RE foster care: Sorry I get a bit wild about CPS. Some pretty ugly experiences for the foster kids that no one wants to hear about from when my two best friends were foster parents at the same time and I did respite for both of them.]

Yeah, I really like the fb. I'll have to see if I can find the beeswax stuff and see if swapping is even more effective. And yes, my body has that sweat-cleansing thing down. :)

Jami said...

Annette--I know lots of people who are concerned, but then I live in Northern California, land of the environmentally-worried.

Papa D said...

The best diaper rash cream we've ever used is called "Butt Paste" - so why not "funk butter"? I'll check it out - for my kids. Yeah, that's it - for my kids.

Thora said...

I love the name of your blog; it's one of those, "I wish I'd thought of it first, and could pretend it was my idea and use it" moments in my life. My husband is against anti-persperants, so we only use deoderants, but I guess my body's still full of bad things anyway. I don't eat organic fruit, either. I think I'm stock full of chemicals. He doesn't like anti-persperants, because they stain your clothing, and just deoderant doesn't.

Jami said...

Thora--Thank you. I do love my blog's name. In addition to being a cool name, it has taught me how to spell superfluous which is an all around useful word!

Marie + Jeff said...

Thanks for your kind comments on my blog.

I, too, suffer from the underarm (and other unmentionable places)stank. I tried using a few organic or natural deodorants like you, but found that they either didn't work or stained my clothes though they did provide a nice lemony fragrance.

I'm glad that you found something that you like and that WORKS to boot!

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I stink too. Together we could have formed a covert Sisterhood of Stinkiness!

My Papi worries about our girls using chemical deodorants. He said that in Mexico they use lemon. Yeah well, the heat is more intense where we live and lemon just ain't gonna cut it.

I discovered last week that my when my pits smell like dead skunk the best remedy is to soak a paper towel with hydrogen peroxide and then put it in my pits. Listerine also works. It kills the funk bacteria.