Upon awakening, I realized the day had come. Time to bite the bullet and stop chewing the fat. Time for the diet to end all diets.
Day 1.
7 AM--Large glass of water.
{I am never going to eat again. Nothing but water!}7:05 AM--Mix unsweetened protein goo, gag it back fast. 100 calories. 20 grams of protein.
[You can't do that. You'll die. Your body needs protein or it will consume muscle for its needs. The heart is a muscle.]
[OK, NOW nothing but water until lunch!]7:45 AM--1 cup of sautéed zucchini
{Man, look at all this zucchini. J-Teen says there's nothing to eat? I'll make him some yummy zucchini. Italian seasoning. Zucchini. Butter. Mm! WHAT!?! It does not taste gross! It's delish! EAT IT!}
[OK, vegetables are good. But no fruit or sugar. Or starches. You can still put yourself in ketosis with a small quantity of veggies.]8:00 AM--Grocery shopping.
8:40 AM--20 oz. Diet Coke
[Do not eat the bagels. Do not eat the bagels. Do not...OK, you can eat the apple. An apple is OK. Only 80 calories. Lots of fiber.]8:45 AM--1 small apple
[A bagel wouldn't be that bad. They're pretty low in fats.]9:15--1 bagel, 3 T cream cheese, large glass of water
{And cream cheese: a source of calcium. Not a lot of calcium. Better put it on pretty thick.}
10:15 am--1 bagel, 3 T cream cheese
[Oh E-Teen is giving you half a buttered bagel. How sweet! Don't offend her. She's going through a sensitive stage.]10:45--1/2 a buttered bagel
11:00 am--a big glass of water.
12:00 am--1 bagel, 3T cream cheese
[Who are you kidding? Cream cheese is a lousy source of calcium.]12:15 am--2 cups 100% natural, full fat cream on top maple syrup sweetened yogurt.
[Probiotics are good. You've not had any for quite a while.]12:20 am--1/2 cup maple yogurt
2:00 pm--1 full-sized bag of Trader Joe's kettle corn
[What?! The kettle corn. That was supposed to be for...]2:30 pm Huge glass of water
{Shut up! It's fiber.}
[Well, drink some water. At least you're hydrated. And the caffeine hasn't been too bad.]
{Man, I am stinkin' tired. I'm never going to be able to make it.}3:30 pm Triple-sized Pomegranate RockStar
[Whu-? Don't you dare!]
{Mind your own business.}
{Antioxidants. Do not mess with me. I'll take you down.}4:00 pm 1 1/2 cups pretend cookie dough
[Fine. Wallow in it, babe. I'm done.]
{Fine.}
[Fine.]
{Whatever.}
{peanut butter = protein; flour = grain; oats = whole grain}
5:00 pm 1 bagel, 3 T cream cheese, 1 large glass skim milk
{How many bagels is this? Eh, whatever.}8:00 pm 1 box of black licorice
{Hm...I'm kind of full.}
{Geesh. My stomach hurts.}
{Real licorice is so soothing for owie stomachs. I am so glad I know about herbal heath options.}10:00 pm 1 large glass Hot Chocolate
The thing is...I had the same dream Thursday night, only this time I was taking the cookies out of people's hands and stuffing them in my mouth. Weird, huh? Do you think it could have been the hot chocolate so close to bedtime?
11 comments:
I just do Weight Watchers. Then I really do eat whatever I want, only just a little bit of it. That way there's no thinking involved. Eating should not involve thinking. It should involve tasting. Lots and lots of tasting.
I had to have a medical exam for a life insurance policy this morning. They weighed me. It was - not good.
I must be stopped.
The only thing that has remotely worked for me (except go on a sugar free diet for 7 weeks two years ago which resulted in losing 15 pounds--the whole ketosis thing--but it was all back within 8 months) is to count calories and eat the same thing every day. I tell myself I can eat what I want but I HAVE to write it down. Finding out how many calories something is (I know all the calories of the things I eat every day) can be a big pain and when I do, it can be quite horrifying. There is something like 300 calories in just a plain bagel. Sickening, isn't it? One large apple might be more like 100 calories than 80 but it's sweet and it's just as filling AND it won't gum up your system (lots of weight is due to stuff stuck in our, er, well, you know. That white pasty stuff is a huge culprit of that). So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. If I stick to the program I do lose the weight and keep it off (it's those wheat eating holidays that do me in every time. Right now I am just concentrating on losing the weight I am bound to gain over the holidays.)
Thanks for this. I was laughing, but it was introspective, since I weigh WAY more than I did when I was completely happy with my weight.
All that has worked for me is smaller portions, much less sugar, more walking. At least I've stopped putting it on, and I've actually lost almost 20 lbs. from my peak. It has taken two years to do it, but I'm ok with a pound a month.
Yeah, the 15,000 calorie plan isn't working out so well.
I forgot to say how hilarious this is. I just relate too well, I guess. Funny stuff, though, funny stuff! Glad you're back. You're back, right? I mean, for good?
What? You mean that's not a good diet? Huh. Who knew...?
"There's a skinny girl in me trying to get out, but I can usually shut her up with cookies"
I LOVE zucchini with butter and lemon pepper. I could eat it all day, yum.
I love food, so I eat a lot. But I finally had to cut my portion sizes for a while to let my stomach contract back down to a reasonable size. Now I still eat a lot, just less of it. That doesn't make any sense at all....
Haven't seen you lately, wanted to check in and say hey. Hope you're well
That's a lot of bagels. I'm just saying...
Wow, I totally didn't mean it that way, I just meant that even chewing through that many bagels gives me bagel jaw. Bagel chips on the other hand...
Sure, sure, Allison. (sniff) BTW, if you slice them and toast them they are much less work to eat. Besides, my jaw muscles are the only muscles in my body that are in perfect condition. Powerful in both chatter and snacking.
Mo! Lovely to see you. So not commenting for a month is what draws you over? Duly noted. I have been reading your posts, but apparently asking this dial-up to load the comment page is more than its puny self can stand.
Motherboard, sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
Ray, my sister in Chicago has suggested her plan: using a salad plate and eating anything you can fit on it. But I think 30 small portions a day won't be especially effective.
Heidi, I did 5 months once clean and sober, but once I eat that first refined carb, I jump off the wagon and that's the end of that.
Sue, I feel your pain.
Melanie, I like WW, but I always run out of money before I run out of excess wieght. And I can't seem to muster the self-control of following the plan without the threat of the weekly weigh-in.
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